2 schnauzers, 1 blog

Hairy Hairy

Bertie: I need a hair cut.

Oliver: I don't.

Bertie: If I do, you do. Don't think you can get out of it that easily.

Oliver: Maybe I can pass myself off as a Hungarian Puli.

Winter haircuts

Bertie: I hate haircuts in winter. I'm all shivery.

Oliver: At least your legs have some fur left on them.

Bertie: That's what happens when you get matted fur. Some of those matts were the size of your head.

Oliver: But now everyone is calling me skinny legs.

Bertie: It's just your imagination, skinny legs. No one is calling you that.

Oliver: I'm going to lie close to the fire. And I'm not going to share.

Bertie: Don't roast yourself too much, skinny legs.

(almost) Wordless Wednesday

Bertie: Sometimes Oliver...sees things. That may not be there. You know what I'm talking about.

Oliver: I don't. What do you mean? Hang on, can't talk, thought I saw something...

(almost) Wordless Wednesday

Oliver: One time, a little while ago, I went behind the TV. I don't know how I did it, but once I got there, I couldn't get out. The gap looked much bigger on the way in. It was a Pooh Bear Moment. And all Bertie did was laugh.

and a close up...

New Year's resolutions - or not

Bertie: So enough holiday, time to do our New Year's Resolutions.

Oliver: What's that?

Bertie: It's when you plan to do things, or not do things for the coming year. Like new experiences, or stopping bad habits.

Oliver: Ok, here's mine:
            To eat 10 things I've never eaten before
            To eat 1000 things I have eaten before
            To sleep a lot
            To not get that cowlick again that makes me look stoopid.
            To exert total control over Sasha
            To not come when I'm called unless there is something in it for me.

Bertie: I don't think you've grasped the concept completely.

Oliver: What do you mean?

Bertie: Well, for example, you should be making a resolution to Come When I'm Called.

Oliver: I did. It's the last one.

Bertie: Without the "unless there is something in it for me"

Oliver: Why would I do that? I like my way better.

Smarter... I am

Oliver: I am 20% smarter.

Bertie: Dare i ask how?

Oliver: I read the dictionary. But I decided the absorption method would give the best results.

Bertie: Let's hope no one wants to know what's between anemone and angelica...

Another thing I can't eat

Bertie: What's up with you?

Oliver: I've just discovered there is another thing I can't eat.

Bertie: Plastic?

Oliver: No, that's ok. I can eat that. It's Avocado.

Bertie: Green, mushy, goes with tacos?

Oliver: Yep, that's the one.

Bertie: What's wrong with it? Apart from the obvious, of course.

Oliver: It has something in it. Um...persin. It's a fatty acid. And it might make me have trouble breathing, or give me fluid on my chest, abdomen or heart.

Bertie: Eww.

Oliver: Or abdominal enlargement.   Don't say it!

Bertie: My lips are sealed.

Oliver: So that's one more thing I can't eat. I'll have to dream about eating it, like I do about Chocolate, Grapes, Macadamia Nuts and Onions.

Bertie: And plastic.

Oliver: No, I told you, Plastic's ok.

Bertie: Yeah, sure it is, O' Delusional One.

What happens when you daydream...

Bertie: Ok, I wasn’t going to embarrass you like this, but it almost happened again yesterday, so I feel that the only way you might change your behaviour is if I shame you.

Oliver: What?

Bertie: I cast your mind back to the other day when we were out walking. Everything was going fine, there was much sniffing, much urination.

Oliver: I saw a bird.

Bertie: And then I wee-d on a tree with a thin trunk. Except I missed the trunk. And you were standing behind the tree. Gazing into space, as usual.

Oliver: I was thinking about that bird.

Bertie: That bird must have been pretty interesting, because you DIDN’T MOVE! I totally wee-d all over you and you DIDN’T MOVE!

Oliver: The worst bit was later.

Bertie: What could be worse?

Oliver: When we got home I got wiped down with a wet wipe. It was cold and wet and smelt like soap.

Bertie: You think that was bad…

Oliver: Yes I do, actually.

Bertie: It could have been a BATH.

Oliver: Now that’s not even funny.

It's a jungle out there...

Oliver: Help! Help! I'm lost in a jungle.

Bertie: It's the front yard. The grass just needs mowing.

Oliver: I shall eat my way out. Munch Munch.

Oliver: That hasn't made much of a difference. And grass is not as nice as cheese.

Oliver: Ok, I've made it back to the path. Why didn't you come and save me?

Bertie: Was laughing too hard...